I would like to explain my absence by presenting my week.
Sunday
I worked till 11:00 on my assignement, slept till 2:30 and lay awake till 6:00.
Monday
Work was hazy and meetings were littered across my day. I worked till 11:00 on my essay, slept till 3:00 and lay awake till 6:00.
I yawned through work discussions and attended class till 9:00. I returned home and worked on my essay till 10:30.
I went for a run through the dark with the dogs. Trees swayed against dark skies, horses lazily greeted my footsteps.
I woke up at around 3:30 but instead of angst I felt myself smiling in the dark. Snug against Florian I felt my heart expanding and enveloping me in acceptance.
Wednesday
I felt better able to concentrate at work, spend some time formatting and finishing of my essay which I handed in at 6:00. The discussion around Pavlov’s dogs and other animal experiments used to measure learned behaviour proved too much for my sleep starved brain and I returned home early.
)
Another evening run ensured a peaceful night.
Thursday
My boss got back to me, with the bad news it would affect productivity if I took time off from work right now. We then had a planning meeting till 11:00, I grabbed some lunch to eat in the car and rushed of to a hospital visit in the east of Joburg.
*
On arrival the hospital relations manager, whom I extensively communicated with in order to arrange a meeting, wanted to know who the hell we were. We sat in her office for about 40 minutes while she told people to f-off over the phone, haggled with a competitor’s employee to join her hospital and took personal phone calls on her cellular phone.
I went home, had a little nap and a short walk and attended the public meeting in which plans to turn our neighbourhood in to a low income housing scheme was presented.
*
It was an interesting meeting. Old school colonialist white residents and black activists sat shoulder to shoulder. The government’s new policy of trying to mix income groups rather than separate them was presented to us. Afterwards people were allowed to comment and ask questions and some interesting views emerged.
On arrival the hospital relations manager, whom I extensively communicated with in order to arrange a meeting, wanted to know who the hell we were. We sat in her office for about 40 minutes while she told people to f-off over the phone, haggled with a competitor’s employee to join her hospital and took personal phone calls on her cellular phone.
:*
Once she took notice of us again she told us in detail how crap the current system was and how she very much doubted our ability to come up with anything better. By this time me and the admissions supervisor, who represented another hospital, were stifling hysterical laughter and avoiding each other’s eyes. We were finally rescued by the bed bookings clerk .
I went home, had a little nap and a short walk and attended the public meeting in which plans to turn our neighbourhood in to a low income housing scheme was presented.
*
It was an interesting meeting. Old school colonialist white residents and black activists sat shoulder to shoulder. The government’s new policy of trying to mix income groups rather than separate them was presented to us. Afterwards people were allowed to comment and ask questions and some interesting views emerged.
*
Florian pointed out that these projects could be wonderful or awful depending on how they are implemented and explained why. He is very keen to establish a sustainability node on our property and would like some low income housing to be built with cob and allow space for urban agriculture. To his delight one of the project organisers presented him with a business card and an invitation to participate in the project.
I have mixed feelings about this project. A part of me hate to see our suburb stripped of trees and horses, densified and covered in concrete. On the other hand, people in the townships live in terrible conditions and deserve better housing. I believe change always presents opportunity and would love this project to create sustainable living spaces.
On arriving home at 10:30 we took the dogs for a run and created some anxiety for a night watchman with a powerful torch and a fear of late night criminals. I had a restless night.
Friday
The morning was filled with back to back meetings and my boss requested that I cancel my lunch plans to attend another planning session. My co-worker and I sneaked of early. The late afternoon was spent lounging under a tree with Florian and the dogs.
We were joined for supper by two women whom I've long wanted to introduce to each other. The one gave up a diplomatic career to run a small NGO providing support for aids orphans and vulnerable women. She works herself into the ground trying to run a one women show.
*
I have mixed feelings about this project. A part of me hate to see our suburb stripped of trees and horses, densified and covered in concrete. On the other hand, people in the townships live in terrible conditions and deserve better housing. I believe change always presents opportunity and would love this project to create sustainable living spaces.
On arriving home at 10:30 we took the dogs for a run and created some anxiety for a night watchman with a powerful torch and a fear of late night criminals. I had a restless night.
Friday
The morning was filled with back to back meetings and my boss requested that I cancel my lunch plans to attend another planning session. My co-worker and I sneaked of early. The late afternoon was spent lounging under a tree with Florian and the dogs.
We were joined for supper by two women whom I've long wanted to introduce to each other. The one gave up a diplomatic career to run a small NGO providing support for aids orphans and vulnerable women. She works herself into the ground trying to run a one women show.
*
The other is a German economist who married an Afrikaans man and is slowly going out of her mind in a conservative Afrikaans suburb where the women discuss hairdressers and nail varnish.
It was a wonderful evening. The economist sat stroking her pet snake. Florian’s brother’s three year old Gabrielle would run up to it shriek, stroke it, shriek and run off again. The two women exchanged business cards and will hopefully be working together in future.
*
A run with the dogs after everyone left and off to bed.
Saturday
I joined Florian’s martial arts class after which we did our weekly shopping. On our return we passed out and slept till 5:00. A friend came by and we had supper with Florian’s brother.
It was a wonderful evening. The economist sat stroking her pet snake. Florian’s brother’s three year old Gabrielle would run up to it shriek, stroke it, shriek and run off again. The two women exchanged business cards and will hopefully be working together in future.
*
A run with the dogs after everyone left and off to bed.
Saturday
I joined Florian’s martial arts class after which we did our weekly shopping. On our return we passed out and slept till 5:00. A friend came by and we had supper with Florian’s brother.
+
We forgot about our career ritual but will dance around the flames next Saturday.
Sunday
We slept till 10:00 and cuddled till 11:00 followed by a Florian cooked breakfast.
*
I should be studying but could not resist the blogging urge another day.
**
So here I am. I might be scarce for the next couple of weeks but I will try publishing a picture and or thought and dropping in for comments whenever I can.
Sunday
We slept till 10:00 and cuddled till 11:00 followed by a Florian cooked breakfast.
*
I should be studying but could not resist the blogging urge another day.
**
So here I am. I might be scarce for the next couple of weeks but I will try publishing a picture and or thought and dropping in for comments whenever I can.
*)
Exhausted I might feel but my heart is full of hope and plans. Once they are closer to manifesting, I will invite them to shyly unfold here.
Exhausted I might feel but my heart is full of hope and plans. Once they are closer to manifesting, I will invite them to shyly unfold here.
13 comments:
Glad you're okay, sounds like your week was a little busy though. Don't forget to take care of yourself.
i read your post with trepidation then slowly buoying joy. i am so, so, so, so happy to hear your words, that your heart and soul are well, and that you are inching closer to the place you want to be. and are being held while you travel there.
hel, lovely post. i am standing here always in the cheering section, rooting you on. xo
When did you find the time to take the beautiful photos?
good luck, sweetness...
i agree full-heartedly with what jen said....i'm sending you much love, so that if you need some later, you'll remember that i'm thinking about you and hopefully get buoyed up for the next part...
What a lovely post. It sounds as though, once you've navigated some roadblocks, you are closer to where you want to be.
And it sounds as though Florian is taking advantage of and influencing a wonderful opportunity here for so many people.
I am glad to hear what you have to say at any time, in your own time.
And the line about your dogs at my place? Hilarious! Not inappropriate at all.
It does sound like you are handling this with grace. There's something to be said for that. (I am exhausted, just reading it! LOL)
Peace,
~Chani
Sounds like you had a full load this week. We'll be here when you get back. Great pics...love those dogs-as usual.
glad that all is well in your world and that despite the demands of your strenuous life right now, you are still finding ways to take care of yourself. i hope your boss honors her words and your schedule eases up soon.
You make lack of sleep sound beautiful, heavens.
sounds crazy...and yet I'm glad you've found small moments of rest. there is a sense of journey in this post i hope you continue to find solid ground. i continue to love your words and photo...so beautiful together
I love this blog--and my husband is in love with the dogs. He wanders in when I am reading, asking "Any new pictures of those dogs?"
Reading your posts is so gratifying--I don't know you, but like Jen, I am so proud of you.
Hadeda in flight!
You won't believe it, but it is possible to miss those loudmouths, especially around sunset :-)
Sounds like your life is on the move. Change is good ... I remember the endless rut of working for Experian. When 8 hours of your day plus the commute is just the same old thing every day - no good.
So, your neighbourhood has been earmarked for the new low cost housing? Yes, it always made me feel guilty to live in a leafy suburb, and just over the hill people lived in shacks, surrounded by dust. I believe you can't rebuild a country until its people feel proud of it, and has a corner of it that they want to preserve.
The integration can work wonders, or fail miserably, just like Florian said. I hope he can get involved and contribute to projects that work for the greater good of the people of South Africa.
I'm glad you're not alone through all this, and also that you have the dogs to love you through it. It's amazng how a good run with dogs can energize even the exhausted.
I hope that you are able to cut back on your work hours, as discussed. You make an excellent argument about sleepless zombies, and if your boss has the integrity we hope she has, things will ease up soon.
Wonderful photos! I almost feel as if I'm there when I pore over them.
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