flickr mosaic

1. Old Bay Mill, St. Helena, 2. Miso Soup, 3. Too Much Magic Bus, 4. My Pink flowers, 5. Matt Damon, 6. "Rooibos" Tea, 7. Auroville Romancing the dogs, 8. Figs with yogurt, honey and pine nuts, 9. Sarah Wilson, 10. Ceremony of Nature, 11. Super-Fast and Super-Curious, 12. No Idea

Jung Truths

C. G. Jung - Memories, Dreams, Reflections

"Something else, too, came to me from my illness. I might formulate it as an affirmation of things as they are: an unconscious "yes" to that which is, without subjective protests - acceptance of the conditions of existence as I see them and understand them, acceptance of my own nature, as I happen to be.

At the beginning of the illness I had the feeling that there was something wrong with my attitude, and that I was to some extend responsible for the mishap. But when one follows the path of individuation, when one lives one's own life, one must take mistakes into the bargain; life would not be complete without them.

There is no guarantee - not for a single moment - that we will not fall into error or stumble into deadly peril. We may think that there is a sure road. But that would be the road of death. Then nothing happens any longer - at any rate, not the right things. Anyone who takes the sure road is as good as dead.

It was only after the illness that I understood how important it is to affirm one's destiny. In this way we forge an ego that does not break down when incomprehensible things happen; an ego that endures, that endures the truth, and that is capable of coping with the world and with fate. Then, to experience defeat is also to experience victory.

Nothing is disturbed - neither inwardly or outwardly, for one's own continuity has withstood the current of life and of time. But that can come to pass only when one does not meddle inquisitively with the workings of fate.

I have also realised that one must accept the thoughts that go on within oneself of their own accord as part of one's reality. The categories of true and false are, of course, always present; but because they are not binding they take second place. The presence of thoughts is more important than our subjective judgment of them.

But neither must these judgments be suppressed, for they are also existent thoughts which are part of our wholeness."

C. G. Jung - Memories, Dreams, Reflections

Home is where the hurt is

1993.

I am sitting on my bed
staring at what used to be a favorite painting.
It is my first day back from rehab.
Nothing would ever be the same again.
My eyes follow the lines and colours in the painting.
I know that it is beautiful. But I can no longer feel it.

It took me seven years
before I could once again feel spontaneous un-logical joy
when looking at a piece of art
and another five years
before I felt the joy of being alive explode
inside my ribcage
and radiate into every cell of my body.

Some days,
after reading through too many academic text,
my neurons loose new footpaths
and I return to that place.
A place where logic dots his i and crosses his t.
Where systematic analysis takes love,
the smell of dust after the rain,
magic and meaning
and flattens it until it becomes nothing but a line on a page.

It keeps me awake at night.
My brain feels hot.
It mechanically moves from option to option to option.
I concentrate on feeling my heart,
on feeling me loving me.
Wanting to be with me.
Wanting to be me.

I follow a shadow dancing under its leave.
It leads me back to not having to know.
To spaces in my brain where nature has not been domesticated.

There where the sunlight fades away into night
I will soon go and hunt
for the last remaining piece of me.
My home.

Home used to form itself around me.
My eye could find the moment
when furniture, cloth, art, lights and empty space
felt at peace with one another.
I was enfolded in their stillness.
Now I feel the absence of this stillness.
My things merely co-exist.
Like strangers at a conference
they share a common goal
but do not always know how to fill awkward silences.

Outside in my field, every element is at peace.
Silence moves through dancing grasses,
changing skies,
tall trees
and reflecting, reflected light.

Next to me a ray of white winter sun illuminate white tree trunks.

Behind me fields recede into a blue absence of sun.

In the distance orange fields are filled with purple shadows.

I find myself listening for sounds of danger.
Not too long ago
four people were robbed in this field at gunpoint.
The pounding of my heart are fueled by fear
as well as the intense pleasure of the moment.
My sense of self beats a rhythm.
Optimism, fear, depression, joy and yearning.

Unwilling to surrender to trust, my past and future
seem like strangers.

The beauty of now I love with a fierce longing.

Here I am just who I am.
The path home starts here.
Inside this moment.

Joy

the emotion of great delight

happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying;

keen pleasure;

elation.

Bliss

Afternoon in an urban foodgarden

Genesis of Siyakhana Garden
The premise for the Siyakhana Garden Project grew out of the observation that food insecurity was prevalent in the inner city communities of Johannesburg served by the mobile dental service of the Oral Health division of the Health Promotion Unit at University of Wits. The impact of malnutrition, in particular access to fresh fruits and vegetables, was visible in the high rates of periodontal and other gum diseases. In an attempt to begin to address some of these issues, community gardening models were examined and thought to be a way to improve access to fresh produce, even in the urban setting of Johannesburg.


The principle of permaculture was invoked as a way of preventing the project to be under constant danger of collapse due to funding constraints, since ideally, a well-established permaculture project should not require much ongoing financial input. A consortium of sixteen NGOs and Early Childhood Development Centers (ECDCs) were recruited from the region with the idea of making the project a joint effort between the university and those that would eventually benefit from it.

In 2007 the overall goal of the project had been revised to reflect the expanding diversity of activities and reads as follows: “establish a model permaculture food garden system for food production, education, research and empowerment of the community (particularly women) through training, employment and income generating opportunities. This will ensure and nurture the development of a sustainable and productive environment necessary for the improvement of the health, social and economic status of the inner city community.”

The Impact of Urban Food Gardens on the Health of Communities : an Evaluation of the Siyakhana Bezuidenhout Park Permaculture Project in Johannesburg, South Africa, Master's program in Global Public Health, 2007–2008 Capstone Project New York University.

Wake up yelp

This morning I found a reminder to keep trying
because new things need practice before they become part of one.

I remembered why I started studying at 36,
how much I am learning,
that essays and exams will get easier with practice
and that I'm working towards a future
where nature is invited to the dance.
(actually since she is happily dancing on her own maybe,
if we smile with her, she will invite us to join her)

Remembering is good because sometimes I feel
like just giving up and moving to Auroville.

This wanting to give up because of a lack of perfection,
has followed me like a shadow all my life.

Luckily, the ability to recognize a message,
when it comes shining through the clouds,
tripples right alongside my shadow.

So with a lighter heart I will continue studying
for my geography exam because if allowed,
Geomorphology will teach me how erosion shapes a landscape,
Rural Livelihoods will share the resourcefulness of the vulnerable
and Sustainable Cities will fill me with hope.

Its my last exam before three glorious weeks of
getting to rearrange furniture,
take photos, blog and cook new meals,
plant out winter vegetable seedlings,
making mandalas from natural materials
read a stack of books -
Jung on alchemy and Mandalas,
Children's Participation in Environmental Projects,
Nature's Psychology,
A Victorian suspense novel -,
start a research project on an inner city foodgarden,
and find a part time job, preferably in a nursery (for plants).

And so I continue mapping my future.