hohum

"But what about that which cannot be known? What about uncertainty that is not a matter of incomplete, distorted, misunderstood, or mishandled information?"
Couclelis H (2003) The Certainty of Uncertainty: GIS and the Limits of Geographic Knowledge. Transactions in GIS, 7(2) pp165–175.

i woke up sunday morning reaching for my shoes.
the morning calls. i want to be out in the garden.

then i realise i left my shoes in my car.
arriving at my car i find the door standing open
my cd's, cd player and shoes gone.

i stayed calm
and start making list of things to replace and associated costs.
i go to the shop where i bought my shoes.
not only are they no longer stocked ,
they are no longer produced.

i freak out.
i am crying as if someone died.
my rational mind desperately reminds me:
"dude, they are only shoes."

but it is not just about the shoes.
it is about no longer feeling safe
in my country, my city, my home.
it is about no longer feeling welcome in my country.
it is about our world and the way i have no control
over the way the earth is raped, assaulted and robbed daily.

it is about not knowing
who i am, why i am here, where i will go and where i came from.
if i start peeling back the layers of my life what will i find?
a buddhist emptiness? an atheist nothingness?
an agnostic unknown?

does things happen for a reason? or not?

where do i find safety for those i love?

not having any answers frightens me.

yet resting in the unknown feels like a doorway.

a tunnel.
a clearing in a quite field

drenched in early morning sunlight
and frozen in time.

i wonder what is on the other side of this unknown moment?
and will i be needing shoes?

i miss you mithril.