i long for adventure. a big one. 
with the sun slanting across an unfamiliar valley
and mystery leading me deeper into the unknown.
instead every morning i wake up to the familiar
until i remind myself of my quest
to perceive the subtle magic of not knowing
rather than looking out for a trail curving around a mountain
or a teacher who initiates me 
into subtle mysteries beyond that which i know.
its hard finding magic in research reports,
unpaid bonds and student registration queues
but among the weeds in our back garden
i find small white flowers.
this fear
of the mundane has followed me all my life like a shadow
i have tried to stare it down with the sword of my intellect
now i just experience it
it might swallow me
or it might show me a path curling around a mountain
not knowing is the adventure.
ooh la laah
