how to start

i find myself struggling to start.

my story has so many entry points.

shall i start with my new job?

after two years of uncertainty
i am about to receive a salary again.

when i stepped out of my corporate career
i knew it was the right thing to do
yet i felt like i was stepping into nothingness.

the new world i stepped into is full of ideas
and sleeping late
while sunlight strokes a leaf
at eleven in the morning
i am often here to see it.

yet often the fear of non-survival
of not earning
made my stomach churn and my heart shake.

then i found a book.

one of many
entry points.

this one spoke of the way of the wild witch
of an earth-bound wild spirituality
of making a promise to the earth.

suddenly

a job as a research assistant
power relations within government
democracy and knowledge
management in South Africa.
how does these interact
with global environmental policy?

developing a greening proposal
for the geography department
introduces me to those working towards
changing mindsets across the university.

joining earthlife africa
a project investigating acid mine drainage
leads to the possibility of rehabilitation
of a mine poisoning the drinking water
of a local nature reserve
animals aborting their young and dying
of thirst.

for the first time in my life i feel like i
am doing what needs to be done.

i sink into each moment
without worry
about being more
present
in who i am suppose to be.

this new path
makes my heart tremble.

yet inside the sadness of all
that i cannot change

burns the hope about that which i can.

maybe i should start with the simple peace of knowing
things unfold in their own time.