last night i went to bed crying

this morning i woke up crying.

i am so tired.

not knowing how much longer

i can put one foot in front of the other

and keep on going

scares me.

i fight with my partner,

he storms out and leave the two of us alone.

me and the person i now love fiercely.

who makes my heart expand into

more joy than i have ever known.

i cry some more.

waves of sadness hit me when i think

of making lunch

or having to get up

to walk the passage.

up and down.

gently massaging the wind

that rages through a small body

causing my heart,

which i carefully balance on my shoulder,

to cry with rage and pain.

i want to sleep.

or go to the beach. go dancing. make love.

have a bath.

or a cup of tea.

instead i feed her.

as she latches on love pushes against sadness.

we lie down on the bed.

i listen to my neighbors getting on with their lives.

she falls asleep.

an hour later she is still sleeping.

the freedom goes to my head and makes me smile.

yet every now and again i check if she is still breathing.

her smell fills my world.

the memory of her smile makes me stronger.

once more i am ready to walk.

watching my life contracting and expanding.