Chani and Flutter, two of my favorite reflectors have awarded me a beautiful award. The blogger reflection reward.
After resigning I have been reflecting on my dreams, futures, likes and dislikes, beliefs and fears and anything else crossing my line of thought.
Every night I dream about a bear fighting with a wolf. Why? What does it mean?
The bear is impersonal yet defensive. It merely wants to keep the wolf out of its territory. The wolf is curious and fearless. It want to know what the bear is protecting.
My dream is to create spaces where people can recognize the courage of their dreams. Where they can claim back their dignity. Where they start building a life filled with the joy of discovery. The majority of poor people I come in contact with are black. I am white. Between us lay a history of oppression.
A black student in my research class points out that it is presumptuous to assume a that a garden is needed in informal settlements. The ladies we work with refer to us as the white ones. Someone I admire in my facilitation class talks of fighting the white apartheid system. He also talks about a childhood where their small home was always full of people and laughter. I remember a childhood separated from reality. We each had our own room and met for breakfast, lunch, dinner and television.
My dream wolf curiously explores new territories. My dream bear wants to protect her territory.Is there a space where curiosity and defensiveness can meet? Will learning occur when differences and similarities are acknowledged, accepted, maybe even enjoyed?
I once read about bears sharing their food with wolves. The wolves would have died without the food left by the bears. Wolves do not have the skills to hunt for food below the surface of a frozen ocean.
If these words does not make sense it is because I feel confused. The feelings I hunt are blurry and undefined. I lay on my bed listening to the sound of the wind and ideas move and change their shapes rapidly. I speak to friends and words disappear around the corner the moment their meanings are recognized.
The sun whispers. Her voice gets absorbed into the edges around me. Glimpses of possibility reflect up from journal articles.
Where does this leave me? I suspect it will take time to find out.
My heart knows how to recognize small signs. She is filled with courage, hope and patience.
16 comments:
it's the time that we can be both rewarding and impatient. your heart has set out on a righteous journey. the bear, the wolf...all the pieces of you coming along.
you are doing something extraordinary right now. and we get to cheer you on.
the wolf and the bear.
both animals of great strength, resilience and....vulnerability.
How do you have such a patient heart? Mine feels like screaming, waiting for the next fork in the road.
But its not about me. You are one of those writers I come too in order to make myself slow down and see the beauty.
But then all I want and feel I need is to bury my face in the neck of one of your wolves.
This feels so hopeful to me, so light. It's like your anger has dissolved. Do you feel that way?
Have you read Inner Work by Robert A. Johnson?
Fascinating dream work, you might like it.
I adore you.
That's really interesting (beyond my simple jealousy that you actually get REM sleep).
oh that dream. my dreams are so so vivid every single night. but this one of the bear and wolf--so mysterious yet so telling, too. those creatures are beautiful and strong and wonderful.
like you.
hel, it's so difficult, isn't it? this desire to do good and yet feeling like the history is a barrier insurmountable. i know and know others who have felt that way in the context of Canada's aboriginal peoples. it is a struggle to find where you fit, to be open to learn where your assumptions lie. but it's an adventure, too.
you astound me.
i went to my favourite park in the city the other day and realised that one of the structures, that has been there for some time, is a cob building. i thought of you and was happy.
This is so enlightening, so perfect.
"Will learning occur when differences and similarities are acknowledged, accepted, maybe even enjoyed?" I struggle with that one too Hel. I think you are confused because you are willing to dig deeper rather than staying complacent on the surface. The answers will come with time and your heart will burst wide open.
Beautiful photos by the way.
I dreamed of a bear once. The bear was my spirit and my husband was trying to kill the bear.
My bear has survived, will continue to survive.
hel ~ I think learning is already occuring. The act of trying to accept & acknowledge differences is probably when we learn the most. Once we've reached that acceptance and knowledge it will become easier because we did learn it.
Wow.... this is a really big one.. and there's so much reaction on my part that I want to tell you about. Not in the comments section though. Some time this week, I will send you an email about it.
This post made me remember some things. :)
Peace,
~Chani
Enchanting as always. You're so brave to write the personal things you write about.
The bear and the wolf, what fascinating dreams you have.
Beautiful post... not confused sounding at all... just fascinating.
What a great harmony of photos and words ...
"My dream is to create spaces where people can recognize the courage of their dreams. Where they can claim back their dignity. Where they start building a life filled with the joy of discovery. The majority of poor people I come in contact with are black. I am white. Between us lay a history of oppression."
That's a big one, having to bear the guilt of one's ancestors. One can only acknowledge and shoulder it.
Since this seems to be a comment of quotes I looked up animal totems on the internet for you. These phrases sprung out at me:
"Bear teaches you how to make choices from a position of power."
"Wolf teaches those with this medicine to know who you are and to develop strength and confidence in what you do."
The thing I have always loved about your blog is that it's so geographically different from the other blogs that I read.
I know the first time that I commented here, I mentioned that one of my dear friends was South African. She and I were in each other's pocket (work, a lot of after-work hilarity, then she moved into the apartment next door) for years. She pretended she was English to avoid controversy. She dated a South African NYC lawyer and they would speak Afrikaans when they wanted to be private. She showed up at work with a black eye. She called him "Mr. Angry." As you might guess, this is the short version.
I got married. She moved to London (England, where she had an ex and a teenage son). She sent Christmas cards for a couple of years and then I never heard from her again -I have searched and am so afraid she's not alive anymore.
She was my best friend for so long and now I have no idea where she is.
I miss her.
This really has nothing to do with you, but you always make me think of Suzette.
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