this world of ours
so beautiful
filled with suffering
and longing for truth
can i let go
into the flow
where beauty hides
in mystery
of all that live
and breath
and grow
towards
a place
i can not know.
sometimes, when i give up hope i find magic. Falling into my body i sink into a space where i no longer recognizes truth. suddenly i stand in the middle of a mystery so deep, so unknown that small breaths are all i become. although my body is hard with fear, new and old, i can soften with each breath. rather than pull back can i invite this moment to sniff my hand and soften my heart? 
The first walk i went for after my miscarriage was fueled with careful sips of air. On the way home i started breathing harder. i tried focusing on moving forward. everything was terribly bright. the green grass, wolf-dogs panting, small water washed pebbles, the air between florian and i. into this landscape a large white bird glides. its wings pulls soft colors back into me, the sky and the water. she is the largest bird i've ever seen. "what bird is this?" i ask florian. "it is a stork" he answers.
one day soon magic will once again fill my womb.
13 comments:
yes. magic.
yes, hel. you will give birth to such light and love one day....
Oh Hele, I'm sorry to hear of your sadness.
But you are right it's the littlest of things that can lift our spirits when we don't think we can go any further down.
And of course the stork is the bringer of life so fingers crossed for the future.
xx
a stork eh ?? How appropriate considering your post and time needed to the self. A traditional harbinger of internal communication. Stork 'medicine' teaches focus through posturing for they have no song. They have ancient associations to dance Hele.
Dance is a traditional method of communal storytelling and learning to correct focus to build energy. there are more and would be worth reading up on.
I do think it is your grandmother's way of telling you not to worry.
and........many years past I was introduced to an idea regarding brief returns to finish a task...and a vessel needed strong enough to serve the soul's purpose.
I learned many years past to never ignore the encouragement the natural world will symbolically hand us....for it is a far bigger picture than we are ever capable of rationalizing.
Peace and strength be yours.
hope carries light on her wings.
So right. It's the small things that save us.
~*
Did you know that not even every second foetus lives through the first three months? I learned this after a friend of mine gave birth to a dead baby - all of this heartache is not seldom, only not many talk about it. I think it is better to talk, and to accept that this little one could not live and so has returned. But the stork and the universe will grant you a new one! One that is fit to live and be happy with you as parents. My friend has a two year old little boy now. She did not give up.
There is something so incredible about surrender, isn't there? Wow.
As always, a beautiful post and incredible images. Happy Autumn, Hele!
hank you for taking this authentic journey Helena ... the heart breaks revealing winged beauty which words can never capture
"suddenly i stand in the middle of a mystery so deep, so unknown that small breaths are all i become."
I find comfort in these words...lost in breath...found there too.
oh..honey.
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