This morning I was thinking:
In fantasy novels heroes are often reluctant. They are forced to grow by a sudden event outside of their control.
Laying in bed wrestling with my fear of loosing my job, my self-respect and my love I wonder if journeys we ourselves set in motion are not trickier than those that fate throws us.
It takes courage and hope to start the jorney of changing the things that currently defines me. To say no to the known and explore a path that may well turn out to be the wrong one. Will I have the courage to start again? What happens if the money runs out? Does taking two days a week put my job in jeopardy? Do I want to go through life too scared to take two days leave because it might put my job in jeopardy?
My fear is not rational. It churns through my stomach and makes my heart beat faster. I do not fear the excitement of a live turned upside down and a dragon to slay. I fear slowly falling into a grey non-caring where my projects no longer make sense because someone else's clock is no longer driving me.
I will follow the swirling motion deeper into my stomach. I will hunt the belief which tells me I must conform and fall in line or be unlovable and unworthy. I will ignore the siren song of giving up and seizing to care sung so beautifully by my pillow.
I will continue to whisper my truth to myself and those I love until one day I can sing it to the world. My past will gracefully lead my future into a fierce dance. I will turn the key unlocking a thousand untold stories.
I will find the dragon before she comes looking for me.
ps. The little dogs are the past of the big dogs I now love.
13 comments:
I'm scared of dogs, but I really find puppies so cute and so adorable.
"I will continue to whisper my truth to myself and those I love until one day I can sing it to the world. My past will gracefully lead my future into a fierce dance. I will turn the key unlocking a thousand untold stories."
These words spoke through my heart.
You are truly an inspiration and I am so blessed to have known you.
I only wish, pray and hope the best for you. (((hugs)))
You'll make it sweetie.
Oh, hel, you made me cry.
Those little guys have found their home in you and you will find yours, too. I will quote the paragraph before the one the mitz quoted: I will follow the swirling motion deeper into my stomach. I will hunt the belief which tells me I must conform and fall in line or be unlovable and unworthy. I will ignore the siren song of giving up and seizing to care sung so beautifully by my pillow.
You know? Maybe I'm fooling myself, but sometimes I think that just recognising that you have more to do, while painful, is better than not recognising it and being happy with the status quo. No?
That dragon? She will meet the paper tigers I seek to set aflame and we will watch them burn, together. Lets, yes?
Your wolves, and your loves, and your heart, and your mind protects you. We love you, Hel. I love you.
It's so hard finding our way in the world - love and challenge and contentment and the never-ending money. Thanks for sharing your struggle - it makes me feel a little better about my own. Something tells me we will both be fine.
I was wondering about those pups and if you had actually gotten more!
My son told me last night that in football, injured players are called PUPs, "Players Unable to Perform." I said, "Poor pups, they just want to play," and we cracked up laughing.
Darling girl, you already know the answers to all your questions. Don't you? It all goes by so very quickly. Make it count.
stand tall and raise your sword and that dragon will cower. having trouble lifting it? just sing out and we will be there to aid you in your mission.
love to you, dear.
It takes courage and hope to start the journey of changing the things that currently defines me. To say no to the known and explore a path that may well turn out to be the wrong one.
Yes. Yes yes yes. It does take courage and hope to say goodbye to what you know to try something else. And I know you have these things in you. I just know it.
Because I've been there and had to dig deep to find these things myself once upon a time. It's how I ended up where I am -- and the unknown path was soooo worth it.
Look for and take that path, Hel. It's there.
The unknown path is the scary one and takes courage and guts to follow it. You have both. You'll do it.
I am offering you some light relief in a game at http://joannabags.blogspot.com SOmetimes the silly things can help
What Jen said.
I'm thinking of you. You will know what to do.
Puppies are too cute. I just want to cuddle them. They grow so quickly. Cocoa went from wee runt to mighty huntress in a mere month. Thank you for reminding me to look inside and find my truth.
I believe sometimes we have to take radical steps and make radical decisions to make our lives worth living at all.
I'm confident that you will make the right choices.. even if they are scary as hell at first.
Peace,
~Chani
Hel Dragonslayer.
you wear it well.
Step into the fray. Maybe the dragon is really a friend.
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