I am sitting here at three twenty in the morning having oats because I am too hungry to sleep. My dogs have sneaked into the bedroom and Arjun is snoring loud enough to wake the dead.My brother is visiting from San Francisco which is why I have been absent, not only from my blog but also from my studies. So now I'm laying awake worrying about everything and a little bit more. (Don't tell anyone but sometimes I feel like shouting bugger off until everything and everyone goes away and I can slip into a hole in the ground where I will curl up into a small ball until all responsibilities get sucked up into the stars and I can step into an early morning fresh with new possibilities)
Reading your blogs in the early morning hours helped sanity return. Especially this post by LittlePea. It is good to know you are all out there living your lives and fighting your own battles. Your courage when showing up on your blogs gives me the courage to take a deep breath and say: "I can do this."
I'm still working on my interview questions. It has just been a crazy week.
But since early mornings are a great time for confessions I would like to answer this question left in my comments by bazl .
Are you this calm and placid? Or do you consciously create this calmness in your artistic expressions?
The calmness is definitely a conscious creation. I write to remind myself of the beauty in life and calm my heart.
I am known to have occasional fits of rage. I get irritated and impatient when things don't go my way and I can be very bossy when my "control issues" get the better of me. The busier I get the more I want people and things to jump when I snap my fingers and I can cry like a spoiled little girl when they refuse to.
Confession time is over. I'm sneaking back into to bed. Sigh. I hope Arjun has stopped snoring.
11 comments:
This post just made me want to get to know you better.
Sleep well, my friend.
xo
Sometimes when family visits, it's a strain because your routine is disrupted, no matter how welcome and loved they may be. That's when I get to be my most snappish.
Crawl into bed and cover up and sleep.
hel love, I am so glad to hear that you're ok.
Does it sound odd that I want to hug you until I know you're ok to fall asleep?
i should have come with your brother. he is my neighbor, after all....when will you come visit us, i mean, him?
and hey, i forgot to send you questions. but thank you for reminding me. will do.
I really like the tranquility you create with your writing and photos. I have periodically been told that I seem peaceful or calm which makes me laugh because when I appear that way externally the most, it usually means I'm throwing up on the inside.
You exude calm Hel, that's why I love to come read here.
It's difficult to imagine you having "control issues" or getting snappish because all of your photographs and writings are so serene.
But, you know, it happens with the best of us. You should see me on the phone with a call center.
Hope you are able to get some rest. Too much responsibility is just as bad as not enough.
Peace,
~Chani
sometimes I feel like shouting bugger off until everything and everyone goes away
Oh, don't I know what you mean.
Here's hoping you get a little sleep or in lieu of that a back rub, those always make me feel loved : )
don't tell anyone?
heh. I know. I KNOW.
I'm glad you liked my post hel.
It's true what everyone here has said. Your pictures and words here are so calming and peaceful it's hard to beleive you would have any opposing characteristics. But we all do. Sometimes we need those parts of ourselves. I would like nothing more than to tell everyone to bugger off sometimes too....sometimes I do. I'm all smiles and sugar&spice but I do have a hot,healthy temper when need be. Hey-a girl needs some quiet once in a while!
I hear and recognize everything you just wrote. It was like reading the nasty truth about myself. (Bt its not so nasty, its just a part of the bigger picture)
rest easy. sleep tight.
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