I have been feeling sad lately. Not all the time, only when I lie down to relax. I’m not sure where this sadness is coming from, is it hormonal, is it chemical or is something bothering me that I have wrapped up and buried deep in my heart. I lie down, my eyes fill with tears and my stomach starts churning.
It has been an enlightening weekend. I received a phone call from my brother who lives in San Francisco whom I have not spoken to in a while. Even though he is thousands of miles away from the rest of the family he is struggling with exactly the same issues regarding career and self worth that the three of us here are fighting with. It is as if a trigger clicked in al of our minds at the same time.
Most of my weekend was spend working on a job application for a position I’m really, really keen on. So hold thumbs.
I spend time with a friend Sunday morning, talking about life and relationship. Looking at Florian I’m suddenly struck with how fragile our state of relating is. A million things can and will happen to change it. But will it strengthen or weaken the feelings of closeness? Only time will tell, but I’m determined to absorb our togetherness. The good and bad makin up our composition, the fears and the safety, the irritations and the joys. Because all of these transforms us into what we can never be without each other.
It has been an enlightening weekend. I received a phone call from my brother who lives in San Francisco whom I have not spoken to in a while. Even though he is thousands of miles away from the rest of the family he is struggling with exactly the same issues regarding career and self worth that the three of us here are fighting with. It is as if a trigger clicked in al of our minds at the same time.
Most of my weekend was spend working on a job application for a position I’m really, really keen on. So hold thumbs.
I spend time with a friend Sunday morning, talking about life and relationship. Looking at Florian I’m suddenly struck with how fragile our state of relating is. A million things can and will happen to change it. But will it strengthen or weaken the feelings of closeness? Only time will tell, but I’m determined to absorb our togetherness. The good and bad makin up our composition, the fears and the safety, the irritations and the joys. Because all of these transforms us into what we can never be without each other.
2 comments:
...listen to your sadness...see where it wants to take you...and wherever that may be remember, 'you are safe...'
There is tremendous strength in realizing that a lot of people, even the people who seem to have it together, feels exactly like we do. People struggle with the same things, with finding careers and life paths that will allow them to become, instead of just existing. It is not just me who feels lost. Humanity feels lost. Maybe there's some collective sadness that bursts into an individual life every so often, and the inexplicable sadness we feel is a racial, an existensial sadness. We're a species who have lost contact with our roots.
There is strength in discovering how to be in the moment and make the moment all you want. Else you rush through life so fast you never touch down. If you never touch down, you can't put down roots. Without roots you can't grow and without growth you can't be.
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