Firstly I want to say Yippee. I got a comment from someone whose site I’ve long admired and enjoyed. And I have had comments from a blogger, previously unknown, to me who already feels like an old friend.
Here follows an explanation of a revelation that have been expanding into understanding and then contracting into truth since Friday.
We had a team build for my company team on Friday. One of the members was one of our company directors with who I have been having a confusing relationship. I am never sure where I stand with her, sometimes she is vulnerable and unsure, sometimes she is mischievous and engaging and sometimes she is irritable and domineering. The problem is I am never sure which person I will run into on any given day which fills me with a lot of fear and uncertainty. Which I detest. I hate feeling like a naughty child, fearing the unpredictable moods of a parent (clue 1). The fist exercise was writing our names on a piece of paper, putting the names in a hat and drawing a name. This was the person we had to watch and give feedback to by the end of the day. One guess whose name I got. Throughout the day she moved between openly sharing and slapping me down when I issued ideas that she did not agree with. By the end of the day I had a splitting headache, I desperately tried to think of something true but nice to say.
I mentioned that she was an intriguing mixture, that she sometimes seemed shy and that she is very honest.
Then I rushed of to attend a script writing workshop. This workshop continued the whole weekend. We looked at the classical structure used for movie scripts. You have your protagonist (hero), and an antagonist (person who exerts an influence on the protagonist forcing her to change). A movie starts with an opening scene, pulling the audience into the world of the protagonist, followed by an introduction to the characters and their motives. A catalytic event happens to the protagonist changing her, a turning point occurs changing the story, conflict happens, conflict climaxes, the protagonist is a new person and the movie ends. I might be leaving out a turning point or two - I have not yet reviewed my notes – it will have to wait for the weekend. A movie is also made up of sequences; a sequence has a beginning, turning point and an end. A sequence is made out of scenes – each with a beginning, a turning point and an end. When planning a scene you ask yourself, what mood does the scene start with, what mood should it end with and what need to happen to change the mood?
I realised that the director at work is my current antagonist. And as antagonists go she is a great one. Complex, human, a little scary, yet struggling to make sense of her life. And I, the protagonist, who am I, how will the antagonist change me? Where will her interactions help me see things about me? Things, were I to change them, would change the way I interact with my life and change me forever. If I were to write a character profile about myself, what would it say? Do I like what it says, do I like the ordinary life of my character? If I was writing a script what would I like to change about myself, what turning points do I need, what do I want to be changed into?
Last night we had supper with good friends, one of them was the facilitator at my team build. While discussing things he said: “She is also a little girl trying to make sense of things”. Thinking about discussions when I got home I realised:
The stronger the force of the antagonist, the greater the chance of transformation in the protagonist is.
I am sometimes a little girl, wanting unconditional love, wanting my every need met, wanting someone to be sensitive to me and who I am and what I need. On the other hand I am a powerful, impatient woman who likes the order that comes with control. The child feeds the need for control; the woman tries her best to create a life in which the child need never feel discomfort. Woe to anyone who comes in between. The woman also knows what she wants in life; she is driven, powerful and ambitious. She sometimes reacts like a sensitive, scared child sensing a rebuff. She is confused and confusing.
Deep inside I know what is going on, I am starting to realise that we are all trying to be someone worthy of love. We all react with anger and irritation or fear and confusion. We love and enjoy beauty. I have the choice to concentrate on this realisation opening myself up to a whole new world full of variance. Often I would rather enjoy righteous anger and self pity. Somewhere through the anger and self pity lies compassion.
And now I rush of to my company Christmas party
Here follows an explanation of a revelation that have been expanding into understanding and then contracting into truth since Friday.
We had a team build for my company team on Friday. One of the members was one of our company directors with who I have been having a confusing relationship. I am never sure where I stand with her, sometimes she is vulnerable and unsure, sometimes she is mischievous and engaging and sometimes she is irritable and domineering. The problem is I am never sure which person I will run into on any given day which fills me with a lot of fear and uncertainty. Which I detest. I hate feeling like a naughty child, fearing the unpredictable moods of a parent (clue 1). The fist exercise was writing our names on a piece of paper, putting the names in a hat and drawing a name. This was the person we had to watch and give feedback to by the end of the day. One guess whose name I got. Throughout the day she moved between openly sharing and slapping me down when I issued ideas that she did not agree with. By the end of the day I had a splitting headache, I desperately tried to think of something true but nice to say.
I mentioned that she was an intriguing mixture, that she sometimes seemed shy and that she is very honest.
Then I rushed of to attend a script writing workshop. This workshop continued the whole weekend. We looked at the classical structure used for movie scripts. You have your protagonist (hero), and an antagonist (person who exerts an influence on the protagonist forcing her to change). A movie starts with an opening scene, pulling the audience into the world of the protagonist, followed by an introduction to the characters and their motives. A catalytic event happens to the protagonist changing her, a turning point occurs changing the story, conflict happens, conflict climaxes, the protagonist is a new person and the movie ends. I might be leaving out a turning point or two - I have not yet reviewed my notes – it will have to wait for the weekend. A movie is also made up of sequences; a sequence has a beginning, turning point and an end. A sequence is made out of scenes – each with a beginning, a turning point and an end. When planning a scene you ask yourself, what mood does the scene start with, what mood should it end with and what need to happen to change the mood?
I realised that the director at work is my current antagonist. And as antagonists go she is a great one. Complex, human, a little scary, yet struggling to make sense of her life. And I, the protagonist, who am I, how will the antagonist change me? Where will her interactions help me see things about me? Things, were I to change them, would change the way I interact with my life and change me forever. If I were to write a character profile about myself, what would it say? Do I like what it says, do I like the ordinary life of my character? If I was writing a script what would I like to change about myself, what turning points do I need, what do I want to be changed into?
Last night we had supper with good friends, one of them was the facilitator at my team build. While discussing things he said: “She is also a little girl trying to make sense of things”. Thinking about discussions when I got home I realised:
The stronger the force of the antagonist, the greater the chance of transformation in the protagonist is.
I am sometimes a little girl, wanting unconditional love, wanting my every need met, wanting someone to be sensitive to me and who I am and what I need. On the other hand I am a powerful, impatient woman who likes the order that comes with control. The child feeds the need for control; the woman tries her best to create a life in which the child need never feel discomfort. Woe to anyone who comes in between. The woman also knows what she wants in life; she is driven, powerful and ambitious. She sometimes reacts like a sensitive, scared child sensing a rebuff. She is confused and confusing.
Deep inside I know what is going on, I am starting to realise that we are all trying to be someone worthy of love. We all react with anger and irritation or fear and confusion. We love and enjoy beauty. I have the choice to concentrate on this realisation opening myself up to a whole new world full of variance. Often I would rather enjoy righteous anger and self pity. Somewhere through the anger and self pity lies compassion.
And now I rush of to my company Christmas party
1 comment:
What a beautiful description of someone who sounds very much like you - honest, complex, intriguing. Thank you for being so open.
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