Every morning I wake up, I am faced with another me. Sometimes I am wildly enthusiastic about the morning sun, dog ears, boyfriend’s smile. Or tentatively positive about my ability to get through the day and learn something new about me. Some days I wake up snarling at my pillow and some days I roll up in a little ball under the duvet and pray for the courage to go to work and run a workshop with 14 strangers.
Is it always the same inner me interacting with today’s me or is the inner self also interchangeable. Do I have any control over the me who decide to sink into things and expand through allowing myself to absorb?
I tend to believe it a good thing that every now and again the inner self also gets swapped around. It forces me to relinquish control and experience without any filters. Sometimes I get to see live through the eyes of howling fury, I get to rest in the place I go to after crying in fear all night. Some days there is no questioning or angst just happiness to be alive. I am feeling adventurous today (but a tentative daring – I’ll leave a few inner windows slightly ajar and see what drifts in).
1 comment:
Good writing - I'm really enjoying reading this.
I usually wake up with the default me of "Aw crap, morning already." enabled. I should probably go to sleep sooner if I want any alternative me's to have a chance of surfacing. But as it is I wake up with my most basic personality engaged - the personality that only knows how to find some pants to put on ( it is winter here ) and how to operate the kitchen appliances to produce coffee and breakfast. Once the body is fuelled, the tightly wound buds of me start tentatively unfurling, evaluating the prospects of the day, seeing which of them would like to take responsibility for the day. So it is reactive - instead of me dictating my day, my day dictates me. The exception is the rebel - the me who is going to bounce through the day regardless of what happens. That me sometimes steps up and claim the day, shoving aside the careful rationale of the others. Those days - those are real days.
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