yesterday fey, arjun, shanti and i walk through our favourite field.
letting go of understanding, mithril's memory pierces my heart. the sweet sharp ache reminds me that i might never again meet him as a huge white smiling bundle of fluff.
suddenly a field of yellow flowers. i sit down. my heart contracts around each precious memory.
the aperture of my heart opens into each moment. a small cream and red bug sits on a smaller cream and red flower. a swallow's wing turns golden yellow against a rain washed blue sky. a tree breathes. tiny seeds dance across the wind and through the afternoon sun.
in that moment when nothing makes sense, everything makes sense.
the love of all who allow my tears to fall gently holds me. i gently hold the part of me that needs to know.
thank you all*
12 comments:
Halfway across the world, I too am walking through the days with an ear cocked, listening for a certain meow I know I'll never hear again.
Sending you a big hug - and taking joy from both your lovely photos and the wonderful tumbling herd surrounding you still.
It is so hard dealing with loss. it just creeps up anytime, and it so hurts.
Sending you lots of love form Trix and me.
xx
love you
it seems I no longer have your email-- did you see that you won the squammy giveaway? email me your snail mail address and I will pop it in the mail to you pronto!
bisous, bp
i am so sorry honey. sorry for your loss.
No baby. thank you.
really. in a way, becasue of you, I have a dog.
really.
xo Anne
you beautiful girl. i hope the sun and wind hold you up like a song.
"letting go of understanding . . . in that moment when nothing makes sense, everything makes sense" . . .
I love these thoughts. No understanding helps this, it just is.
Take care.
Debi
oh i do love it that you can notice the small beautiful things in your sadness. and then let them guide you toward more ease and acceptance. i lost a dog a couple years ago who was 18. we now have a 16 year old, getting old, and it's hard. but love is stronger than death.
There's no understanding; just embrace. The dogs must've taught you that.
Your photos are enchanting.
FA
i've thought of you many times the past week. aching a little on your behalf each time. isn't that odd how the simple connection of one blogger to another can take on such depth of feeling as to share one or the other's pain? i love seeing the dogs, hearing about your wandering walks and knowing they are there with you carrying along as best they can mithril's spirit.
peace to you.
xo
Somewhere, Mithril romps and plays with abandon and joy, but in his quiet heart, he misses you, too.
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