I'm doing these wonderful meditations. They teach me to soften myself around all my sensations until they are drifting in a sea of acceptance and compassion.
I have been trying this around my exam fear. A horrible tight feeling in my stomach. Of not having enough time to memorise everything I need to know. Of not being good enough. A tightening of my body, trying to protect me from the fear that comes with having to integrate tons of new stuff into my being.
A strong resistance against studying. Against seeing how much I still need to know. And how little I can remember because my brain is resisting all the way.
Feeling like this it is little wonder that I keep on wondering outside to feed the chickens, walk the dogs, sniff the flowers and listen to the wind in the trees.
If I could relax and open, knowledge and the soft spring breeze could flow into and through me.
During my meditations I relax around these feelings and embrace them. As a result a small, small opening between anxiety's fingers appears. Life sees her change and sashays closer, tapping her feet and swinging her hips.
Endless new possibilities sparkle in the hollows created by her dancing feet. This same fear of life makes getting a job and earning a living seem an endless frightening struggle. As a result I pull away in fear. Now I might try dancing along while her energy flows through me.
Its not about trying to figure out new ways of learning. It is about being in the moment. Living my fear while gently acknowledging it in my heart.
I'm doing these wonderful meditations. They teach me to soften myself around all my sensations until they are drifting in a sea of acceptance and compassion.
I have been trying this around my exam fear. A horrible tight feeling in my stomach. Of not having enough time to memorise everything I need to know. Of not being good enough. A tightening of my body, trying to protect me from the fear that comes with having to integrate tons of new stuff into my being.
A strong resistance against studying. Against seeing how much I still need to know. And how little I can remember because my brain is resisting all the way.
Feeling like this it is little wonder that I keep on wondering outside to feed the chickens, walk the dogs, sniff the flowers and listen to the wind in the trees.
If I could relax and open, knowledge and the soft spring breeze could flow into and through me.
During my meditations I relax around these feelings and embrace them. As a result a small, small opening between anxiety's fingers appears. Life sees her change and sashays closer, tapping her feet and swinging her hips.
Endless new possibilities sparkle in the hollows created by her dancing feet. This same fear of life makes getting a job and earning a living seem an endless frightening struggle. As a result I pull away in fear. Now I might try dancing along while her energy flows through me.
Its not about trying to figure out new ways of learning. It is about being in the moment. Living my fear while gently acknowledging it in my heart.
10 comments:
Hele, my poor sweetie! Yes, exams are a pest, but don`t let them pull you down! I think you are doing just the right thing, wandering around feeding the chickens, and seeing that the real important things happen outside - the flowers blossom and the sky is still there. Go on meditating, count on your friends to accompany you - in thoughts and with love. You`ll do fine! Everything will work out well for you! And afterwards you will find a job that pleases you and that supports you well! And in the following days till your exams you will feel relaxed and confident. Good vibes from here!
Can you sense it already? Bless you, my dear!
School is artificial - it's intense and structured much more so than your life will be when you are working in your field and seamlessly living your life. Sometimes it just requires bearing down hard and pushing through.
Yesterday I had to go someplace I had never been and that I did not want to go to, but I felt more ready than I had in weeks. On the drive over there, I caught myself trying to wheedle out of it. I was surprised how sneaky I was being with my own self, but when I realized that one part of me could try to get out of it, I decided that another part of me could take charge and make sure it got done. All over in fifteen minutes, something that had nagged me for a month. A strange but interesting experience.
You probably already know all you need, so relax. Go outside.
When I was an undergraduate I used to go to a movie the night before an exam.
I did fine.
;-)
there you are, my beauty! it's just as de said...your photos prove the artifice of anything that is not real and outside.
I know this feeling so well...
Try to relax... there's a reason you're taking these exams... they're moving your forward in your goals... it will work out.
GOod luck.
'Life sees her change and sashays closer, tapping her feet and swinging her hips.'
saucy wench that Life Woman.
you tell me another story through your photos. one that is about your fear and anxiety about being fully in this crazy modern and domesticated world... yes that is how i hear it anyway. you are a bit wild in your heart like your love for the outdoors and the dogs...
it isn't easy is it?
peace be in your heart.
That's something that I'm learning too, embracing the fear, and the tension and learning to relax around it. When I manage it makes life so much better.
I still have a long way to go but then it wasn't that long ago that I learned to listen to my feelings in the first place.
I'm sending good learning thoughts your way. If I'm too late, you can always use them for the year to come.
I haven't been around for awhile. The meditations sound wonderful. I want to learn how to soften, to lean into what's going on around me, to just let it be, accept.
"It is about being in the moment. Living my fear while gently acknowledging it in my heart."
Thank you for reminding me.
I think you are on the right track with the meditation. Good luck on the exam.
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