Truth stays here

I sit here looking at light splashed green leaves
Drenched in sun they glow bright green
inside delicate veins.

I'm trying to find a way to begin.

A way to write about how quickly life changes
and how futile fighting change can be.

Lately the thought of loss shadows me.

Those I love dying
the fields around our house getting covered in concrete
our earth slowly dying from abuse and neglect.

Sometimes this worry swallows my joy
It reminds me that love leads to loss.

Gautrain developments have replaced a large part of our field
with a truck depot and preparations for a train track.

Grasses and wild flowers
undisturbed for hundreds of years
scraped of and tossed aside
the earth naked to the elements.

However,
This same development pushed down a fence
and gave us access to a magical new field
many times the size of the old one
and containing many treasures.

A river, calm and wide in some places
and wild and tumbling in others.
Small fields within larger ones
covered in purple grasses and dancing grasshoppers.

Ancient rocks baking in the sun
or barking at the moon.

Trees softly reaching towards each other
allowing the wind to play amongst their leaves.

Outside my window the same wind
constantly changes the landscape of green.

Light and shadow dance around each other
reminding me that a leave never stays the same.

The angle of the sun
and the wind
and time
constantly repaints their shapes and colors.

One day,
unless it gets eaten by a grasshopper
or swept away by a summer storm,
each leaf
becomes as bright as can be
until it is consumed by an inner yellow.

Slowly it lets go
gently drifting downward.

Finding a resting place
it gives up its color
and blends into the earth.

Sunday I hosted a painting party.

Afterwards I felt locked away.
Distant and removed.
Socially awkward.
I despaired of ever finding true joy
in the company of others.

Then while looking through the photos Florian took
I found this image.

Like a leaf
I was dipping and changing
through light and shadow
without even noticing it.

And I wonder
does a leaf remember itself as light dipped in shadow
or shadow illuminated by light?