It is a strange time for me. Too often for comfort I return to my childhood fears. Staring at people, I’m desperate to know they need to hear, who it is I should represent myself as.
hh
All the while a thick pane of self involvement cuts me off from true communication. I don’t really want to know. I want everyone to go away so that I can disappear into a world of my own.
I hold on to my words. Released they resemble crushed flowers
I’m starting to become conscious of the need for trust. Trust in friendships offered, trust in the love surrounding me. Even when we don’t always speak the same language. Even when our signals get lost in translation.
I’m starting to become conscious of the need for trust. Trust in friendships offered, trust in the love surrounding me. Even when we don’t always speak the same language. Even when our signals get lost in translation.
Florian not always speedily responding to my needs does not mean he doesn’t care for me and we will have to separate because he is a selfish oaf and how can I continue to be with someone who might one day turn around and say how can I love you when I can not respect you. He does care. He shows it in so many ways. I miss them because I am waiting for those other signals. The ones I created the rules for.
While I will continue to dream of a future where all our dreams come true I will try and trust also in the power of the now. In my ability to do what I must at the right time, in the ability of others to nurture me by just being themselves, loving me for who I am.
While I will continue to dream of a future where all our dreams come true I will try and trust also in the power of the now. In my ability to do what I must at the right time, in the ability of others to nurture me by just being themselves, loving me for who I am.
Gooseberries ripen by themselves. I need not constantly remind them.
Today there is silence. Tomorrow the wind strolls down the road. Trees lean towards him, whispering as he passes. Possibilities tiptoe closer.
The wind pauses. A tree leans into him. He strokes her hair. She shivers, her leaves take flight. A branch arches up against the sky.
A grey moth flies past. Lightning flickers. The rain is close.
Florian and I run naked into the night and the rain. My heart believes it’s about to jump into a pool.
If only I could slow down time. I can turn around each minute for an hour, marvelling at its beauty and complexity.
I’m starting my part time studies the week after next. The University library has over a million books all waiting to be researched. I’m starting volunteer work. There is the possibility of art therapy training.
I have a lot to be grateful for.
Today there is silence. Tomorrow the wind strolls down the road. Trees lean towards him, whispering as he passes. Possibilities tiptoe closer.
The wind pauses. A tree leans into him. He strokes her hair. She shivers, her leaves take flight. A branch arches up against the sky.
A grey moth flies past. Lightning flickers. The rain is close.
Florian and I run naked into the night and the rain. My heart believes it’s about to jump into a pool.
If only I could slow down time. I can turn around each minute for an hour, marvelling at its beauty and complexity.
I’m starting my part time studies the week after next. The University library has over a million books all waiting to be researched. I’m starting volunteer work. There is the possibility of art therapy training.
I have a lot to be grateful for.
2 comments:
what a beautiful post. you are working through a whole lot of somethings...and how good to know that there is love and kindness surrounding you as you go.
Wow.. yes.. this is truly a beautiful post! We get to choose what gets most of our attention. It sounds like you are choosing just the right things.
Peace,
~Chani
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