The year now past has had many outer world changes. I started a new job, worked for three different clients, ran interactive workshops, started a blog and had my dog Fey spayed. I made new friends, lost touch with old ones. I discovered new fields of interest. I turned thirty five yesterday. The worry was ever present in my mind that not much spiritual work has been done. There was simply no time. Weekends were spent doing washing and shopping and dodging friends. I started yoga and stopped several times. I found myself staring at my laptop screen, my mind tapping against the wall separating me from the creativity needed to update my blog.
Despite this my being has subtly shifted. Outer triggers caused small seeds, germinating in the darkness beneath my consciousness, to sprout. Their delicate flowering changed me. I have become more accepting, loving and patient. Relaxing my control has allowed the brown and gold moths of the everyday to flit through my being. The movement of their wings gently transformed me.
An unfinished painting must be completed
New friendships wait to unfold and fierce conversations want to be uttered. Jen from one plus two has started a social awareness challenge that I want to participate in. Our cob cottage will get a living roof.
Oi! When to do my job? My plan is to negotiate a shorter week or find a less time demanding job that aligns with my studies. My year will be filled with more trust, creativity and colour, and less multi tasking, control and fear. I will take more walks, plant vegetables and make my first pesto.
A seed I want to surrender to the soil of the goddess. I had to spay my dog Fey on Friday. Regardless of it being the right thing to do it has filled me with much sadness. lkj
She was perfect in every way with a fierce wild spirit. (Her mother is a wolf, her father a wolf/alsatian mix). At present she can not run or play. She lays under the table looking sad. I pray that she will heal and that her spirit stays free.
2 comments:
You know, I was thinking about Fey and her puppies Friday, and I wondered if you have had her spayed after the puppies. I was just thinking about my own two cats and about how the female was just the same after she got spayed as before, while the male totally went to pot - he is overweight and lazy, unless food is somehow involved. I don't think I'm ever going to have a male cat again. He is soft and squishy, which is just the wrong thing for a male creature to be, while the female is sleek and active.
I had a spiritual zero on 2006 - it seems as if I just always had too much world stuff to do. There's no time. ( well, I did suddenly get the opportunity to come to America! That tends to take time! ) But still, not having time means that I need to make time. How do you make time when your whole day is already scheduled, from the moment you grunt out of bed to the moment you fall back into it? I multi-task so much already. Breakfast over the computer, catching enough of the day's news to remain at least functionally literate with what's going on in the world. Shower AND basic planning for the day at the office. Commute AND planning the day's chores at home. Walking to the office bathroom AND composing an email I need to send in my head. There is no more time left. I already burn the candle at both ends for every minute of the day.
Maybe this year I'll try to multi-task exercise and spirituality. I usually multi-task exercise and long-range life planning ( buying house, retirement, that kind of thing ) but I can see myself jogging along the river and finding a mental zone where I can recharge a little. Trouble is that some spiritual things work best when you are perfectly still. And where do one find time to become perfectly still in today's pace of life? There's irony dripping all over this paragraph and you know it.
I mellow as I grow older. Or maybe I'm just developing a thick skin, maybe there is now calluses where I used to chafe something mighty at the stupidity of life and other people. Maybe I just got tired of trying to struggle against the stream of life. I glide along to wherever the current takes me next a lot easier than I used to. I steer more and fight less. That seems better. Is it better? I have no time to think about it properly. It is an reactive survival mechanism more than it is a concious decision to change how I live.
Your painting contains such amazing depth. I remember seeing it unfinished on your kitchen counter back in your house one time. That seems so long ago now, when we both toiled in the same over-lighted cube farm to the beat of collegues opiniating loudly about Microsoft and Linux and speakerphones in constant use.
I want to pick up my studies again - my brain just dies off and forgets how to assimilate new information if I don't keep it in trim. I'm too chicken to attempt my Masters degree yet. It was hell enough doing my Honours degree part-time and working fulltime. I think this year I'll simply self-pace myself. I have an order of books coming from Amazon.com. They're all books I can learn from. Since I'm a computer programmer moving into system analysis, they concern these subjects to some extent. I plan to keep one of them on my work desk and read a bit every day in between work. Multi-tasking again. Just write "Multi-tasker" on my tombstone, I suppose.
Courage for you and Fey. Females seem to handle spaying well, dog or cat. She'll heal soon, and she'll be Fey.
That painting is beautiful as it is- I wonder how it will look when it is finished.
Post a Comment